This week I've declared a heart re-alignment.  I feel very... 'BLEH" in my soul.  I feel like I'm on auto pilot, just walking through life without a fire in my heart.   A huge part of this is that my heart is just not in alignment with God.  Its not straying, but I just don't feel in sync with my Savior.  So this week Im waking up before my children every morning to pray and spend some time with Him, and as I do I'll blog a little because I seem to learn best when I write down what I've been taught.

Yesterday our pastor spoke a sentence that I held onto the entire day.. he was speaking on fear and boldness and such, but he said,

"Oh that God would birth SOMETHING in you that would change the world.  That would really make a difference."

this is the sentence that awakened me to the fact that I need some heart realignment.  Just as John leapt in his mother's womb at the presence of Jesus, my heart did also at the speaking of this sentence.   He went on to speak on trust and how God is able and he will walk with us through whatever!  No matter what...God is.  It reminded me of a bible study I did years ago on Esther.  There was a segment of the study that asked us to think about a worst case scenario.  AND if that worse case scenario happened, would God still be who he says He is? Would he still be present? Would he hold us?  or would our lives cease to be.

 There are a lot of things I do know like: how motherhood is a tiring job, and how the work I'm doing in my home everyday is SO important.  It was refreshing to read a little devotional this morning about this very topic.  And how God loves love done in secret.  In today's world, if we dont record it on youtube or take a pic or a video and post it online, it doesnt count - but that's not true with God.  He sees.  He knows.  And the things done in secret matter.  Serving our families, being patient with our children, crying out to Jesus as tears roll into our coffee because our kids woke up too early after not sleeping all night.  He sees that stuff.  And I know that stuff is important.  Motherhood isnt about the glory of men - its about the glory of God.  And our labor will produce reward if only we hold fast.  

I know those things (and definitely need reminded that it is important!) But what I do not know is: where is my passion?  What makes my heart leap?  What excites my soul and what kind of world changing, life mattering stuff does He have for me still?  Because I know there's something....Im just not sure WHAT.

I find it HIGHLY exciting when God speaks directly to me.  When He gives me things that are just for me.... and today He did!  He showed me this morning that for starters, I just need to be satisfied in Him.  There is a depth of satisfaction and delight when fix our eyes on Christ and Christ alone that can be found in nothing else. This verse was in my devotional and it was seriously what I needed to read on Day 1 of my heart realignment!

 Psalm 37:3-5.7 says,

"Trust in the Lord, and do good; dwell in the land and befriend faithfulness.  Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart.  Commit your way to the Lord; trust in him and he will act....Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for Him...."

and then He reminded me of who I am...

Ephesians 1: 4-6

"even as he chose us in him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and blameless before him.  In love he predestined us for adoption as sons through Jesus Christ, according to the purpose of his will to the praise of his glorious grace with which he has blessed us in the beloved."

So I will (heavily attempt) to wait patiently as I beg God to unfold what it is that fuels me, that makes my heart leap.  He said himself in Psalm 37 that if I trust Him, he will act.  It doesnt say that He might act, it says that He will, and so Im holding onto that.  I am also holding on to the fact that God is.  He is with me, and he is for me, and He is able!!