The Mom Bod

Ive seen quite a few posts on Facebook recently about the Mom Bod.  What was once mocked and ridiculed is now being praised and appreciated, or so that's what social media is trying to encourage.  But the struggle is still real.  People on the outside see the mom bod and still scoff or cringe and those of us with a mom bod, well, we avoid the mirror at all costs.

I don't know about your mom bod or your perception of the mom bod, so Im just going to tell you about my own experience with my own mom bod.  K?

For those of you who aren't yet moms or have the genes of a Greek goddess and magically warp back into some kind of supermodel without a single push up or plank, you wont have any idea what the heck Im talking about.  You can read this and think "aw, how inspiring," but until you've really experienced it, and notice I didnt say "until you've given birth" because moms who did not give birth to their children get mom bods,  you can't really grasp it. You see, after the birth of my first child, I carried a tiny bit of extra weight, and heck: I even bear a scar right along the top of my pubic area.  It's a scar that you couldnt even see if I were to wear a bikini (Oh heavens, here come the jokes....) - but its one that I can see every time I get out of the shower.  I used to hate it.  Especially when it was new and deep purple and shouted very loudly from my nether regions.   BUT overall, this was the only mark of a "mom bod" I had.  No stretch marks (thank you Jesus!), and the only extra weight I carried was in my  jugs since I shelled out about 60oz of milk or more per day.  I lost every pound that I gained with my sweet little Annie, and then an extra 5lbs on top of that thanks to nursing and our daily strolls to the park.  I technically had a Mom Bod - but at the same time, I didnt.  My body (minus that scar and my massive boobs) showed no signs of a little human ever residing in my belly.  So: it was easy for me to look at moms whose babies had wrecked their bodies and said, "Dang girl!" and think to myself how lazy they must be for letting their bodies get the way they have....and be a judgy mcjudgersome.

And then came baby 2.  Everyone always tells you how different every pregnancy is, how different every child is - and they have never been more true.   #2 came out just as babies were designed to come out.  No cutting required. (although I still ended up with stitches. Ok Ok, moving on.) She didnt sleep well, which means that I didnt sleep well.  She was needy and clingy and very high maintenance.  Ive never been more tired in my life.  If there was a spare moment in my day (here I go with the jokes again), I would spend that moment asleep because tired took on an entirely new meaning.  A tired me is not someone I want to ever be again.  I found out quickly that the first thing to go when you're caring for two kiddos alone for 20 hours of each day (the pains of a night shift daddy) is you.  By the time you feed your children its everything you can to shovel whatever you can make quickly (peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, for example) before someone needs you again.  And exercising, HAH.... remember: every spare moment ....if such a thing existed... was spent resting or tidying, or potentially meal prepping or whatever else needed to happen.

This past year has been a difficult one for me.  Really, really difficult.  Now that baby 2 is 16 months old I can look back and see that I probably experienced some post partum depression, but just didnt realize it.  But on the topic of the Mom Bod....it thas been challenging in that: I have one.  Thankfully I was, once again, spared stretch marks (minus a few on my upper leg that even my husband can't see), but I was left with a blubby middle.  I havent exercised in longer than Im willing to admit, which has left me with flabby arms, weak legs, and a less than perfect rear.  I constantly found myself looking in the mirror telling myself, "Ok fatty, its time to get a move on it."  But in reality: i had nothing to give. I had zero.  No energy, no time, nothing.  I was already doing everything in my power to just survive much less anything else.  I had great aspirations to build a better me: to loose those extra 20lbs that wouldnt leave and to shred the 4 sizes I gained, but in reality: I couldn't.  I was at my limit.  If having children has taught me nothing else, it has taught me to understand my limits.  To know when I can and when I just can't anymore.... and focusing on my body? Not even on my radar.  It took me a while to come to terms with my weight, with the size pants I wore. What I looked like in the mirror. But it was easy when I examined my life - the season I was in. And I got ok with it.  I gave birth, for crying out loud.  I grew not one, but TWO children in my uterus.  That, friends, is big (literally. HAH) And you know, I even got ok with the 5" scar that  spans across my lower abdomen from having a c-section with my first born.  Granted I can't change whether or not I have a scar, but the rest of me:  I was doing the best I could... and that was enough.  Sometimes my friends, good enough....is enough.  You can only do what you can do - and that's all I could do..... at that moment....

But that doesnt mean we stay at "good enough."   My family is entering a new season of  life - one that we are really enjoying.  My once needy, high maintenance, whiny, sleepless second born is now a sweet, happy, sleeper, which means I am too. I actually get sleep now. (seriously!)  I am able to plan meals better, feed my body better.....and free time: it exists.  The girls are old enough to where their naps coordinate so I do actually have a few hours of my day where I can work on me (or netflix, or whatever else I need to do to keep my sanity).

Every year our insurance pays for us to get biometric screening tests done & rewards us for doing them by paying several hundred dollars towards the next year's deductibles.  The results of mine this year: high cholesterol and slightly obese.  OBESE.  I couldnt believe it.  It scared me a little - because if you've seen my family, you see that I do not come from good genes.  Good looking genes, perhaps.  But healthy genes, far, far from it (sorry family, you know its true).  My family is plagued with diabetes, high blood pressure, cholesterol, and even cancer.  If I want a healthy me, its something Ill have to fight for.  And now that we've entered a new season of life, I can.  By the grace of God my husband got a NON night shift this year and that has opened new doors for me.  I get adequate sleep and he is able to take on the girls while I take on the gym.  I am 10lbs lighter and 2 sizes smaller than I was this time last year.  I have 10 more to go and 2 sizes left, but Im getting there.  I havent given up.

That's the important thing to remember about the mom bod: just because you are where you are, doesnt mean that's where you'll always be.  Sometimes we have to embrace what is and love ourselves for who we are and what we are.  Mom Bods are not things that all women get to possess. Did you ever stop to think that you GET to have a mom bod!  Its a privilege.  Not the most glorious one, I know, but a privilege nonetheless.  You grew, a HUMAN.  That precious little child of yours grew INSIDE of your body without any effort on your part. And for you mamas whose babies didnt grow on the inside of you: you are helping them grow every single day!  Try to wrap your brain around that. Its mind blowing.  When you start beating yourself up over what you see in the mirror, remind yourself of what you've done - and remind yourself of where you are.  But don't give up mama.  Just because you are where you are, doesnt mean that's where you should stay.  I've learned that there really is a season to everything.... and that applies even to your mom bod.  There will come a day where you have time for you and you can get you back.  Don't beat yourself up, but dont give up either.  Never, ever give up (thats for you Meg)  I'll leave you with what my husband has repeated over and over to me the last year:

Your body is incredible.  You are a life giver.  Don't beat yourself up over what you look like because  you look amazing and you are amazing. I love you now and Ill love you if you never lose a single pound for the rest of your life.  As long as you don't give up on being a better you.  (this applies to your physical self, emotional, spiritual, any aspect of what makes you you!)

I'll get there.  And you will too, Mama.