Oh to sleep

I've never been a morning person.  As a teen I remember my mom coming into my room on the weekends throwing back my covers demanding that I get up because the morning had passed.  I'm a night owl and I love to sleep in.  Actually, it doesnt matter what time I go to bed at night, I do not like getting up early.  (Early = before 10am)

So, as you could imagine, parenthood rocked my world in the sleep department.  I've said this before, but mothers always say how tired you are... and i dont think you'll ever be able to understand that statement until you become a mother.  Especially a mother who breastfeeds and doesnt have family in the area to come over and help with the baby while she catches a nap.  I really struggled through the newborn phase.  I cannot tell how how overwhelmingly tired I was.  Steven and i talk about another baby and though I want a sibling for Annie so badly, I am scared of entering the newborn phase again... AND having a toddler that I still have to care for.  But.  That's not what this post is about :)

So.  Annie has slept 12 hours at night since she was 5 months old.  And I am so incredibly thankful.  I love having a few hours alone at night to do.... whatever!  The problem is, I stay up too late.  This results in me struggling to get out of bed in the mornings.  The last few nights I've tried to go to bed early.  I can be exhausted, can't hold my eyes open... and then the second I hit the pillow.  Boom.  Spaghetti Brain central.  If it can be thought about, I think about it.  My brain, it wont turn off.  If it can be googled, I usually have to google it or I cant shut the thought down.  It can be something so random as to "Oh who is that actor in..." or something practical like, "What was that thing I was supposed to get at the store tomorrow?"  Steven tells me "think about nothing.  Like, literally black space."  And so I do, but then the space gets stars, which turns into galaxies, which turn into...well, you get the picture.  Lately I've had to play some Pandora "soothing sounds and lullabyes" to help deter my brain.

I thought that I would eventually get used to having to wake up early with my tiny girl, but after 13 months of being a mom, I'm still not used to it - and I don't think I ever will be.