How Do We Know? Treasure it up!
Steven and I both have (finally) developed confidence as parents. We have learned Annie's little quirks and what certain things mean, so we can all communicate a little better! I think back to the early months and remember both of us pacing back and forth wondering "what does she want?! What the heck do we do now?!" But now, we know what she wants and we know what to do. We were talking the other day about her toys.. and how.. when she was new I wondered all the time "how will I know how to play with her? How will I know what she likes and what she wants to do? What in the world am I supposed to do with her to engage her and grow her little mind?" "How will I know the difference between her cries?" Every mother says you can distinguish them.. but when she was new, I had no idea what her cries were all about! I just knew they were stressful. But now that she is almost 6 months old, I know! I know when she is hungry, when she is in pain, when she's just being a stinker, and when she wants her mama.
If you take me back six months ago I could have never imagined that I would know as much about her as I do now. Other moms told me "you'll just know" and my question to them was always "how?!?" and they would say "you just will." And they were right. Mamas just know. I wish I could describe to you in more detail the overwhelming..._____________.... that is in my heart. The love I have for that girl cannot even be described. The longer I know her, the more I love her. Steven and I were having a conversation the other day about our roles as parents. I tell him all the time that he is such a great daddy... but I asked him if HE thought he was a good dad. His response? "Yeah, but I don't know if I love her as much as you do. I don't know how to describe it, but like... the excitement you have in your heart for her and the way you enjoy her and care for her. I mean, I love her so much... but the love you have for her seems far greater." Just reflecting on that puts tears in my eyes. The love a mother has for her child... its something that you cant really describe, but it's something you can see and its something that you just know. The love I have for my darling daughter is indescribable and my sweet husband is right - its a love that is so incredibly deep. And you know what's even greater than all of this? That she loves me too. I feel like I'm using the word "incredible" a lot... and perhaps I need to expand my vocabulary... but it's a word that does justice to the situation, I suppose. But it's an incredible thing when your baby knows you. When she wants you more than she wants anyone (except maybe her daddy) around her. When she wakes up in the morning and you go in and she hears you open her curtains and she immediately starts kicking her legs and smiling from ear to ear, turning her head in every direction to find you... and when she finds you, she smiles the biggest smile and tries her hardest to reach up to get you. And most of all, when you are sitting in the rocker feeding her, how she reaches up.. every single time...- even from under the covers - to hold your hand. I love that she loves holding my hand.
I've always been intrigued by the verse in Luke... after Mary birthed her sweet baby Jesus, the only thing we read of her is in chapter 2 verse 19: "And Mary treasured up all of these things and pondered them in her heart." I used to wonder all the time what she could have possibly been thinking or what kind of moments she was treasuring up... and I think its moments like the ones I just described. I find myself repeating that verse to myself when moments like the ones I've just written about happen. "Treasure these up in your heart." I try to take little mental pictures in my head and place them in my heart when she just smiles and laughs, when she hits herself with a toy and needs mama to comfort her. When the sound of my voice sends her searching all over the room until she finds me. When she tries to kiss me and when she wraps her teeny little hand around my finger. I so thank God for her and I praise Him for the (here it is again) incredible gift that she is to Steven and I. I pray that He would continue to give us insight into her so that we can know her and lead her and guide her to know and follow Him. And as she continues to grow I pray that I will soak it up and treasure all of these things up in my heart!
If you take me back six months ago I could have never imagined that I would know as much about her as I do now. Other moms told me "you'll just know" and my question to them was always "how?!?" and they would say "you just will." And they were right. Mamas just know. I wish I could describe to you in more detail the overwhelming..._____________.... that is in my heart. The love I have for that girl cannot even be described. The longer I know her, the more I love her. Steven and I were having a conversation the other day about our roles as parents. I tell him all the time that he is such a great daddy... but I asked him if HE thought he was a good dad. His response? "Yeah, but I don't know if I love her as much as you do. I don't know how to describe it, but like... the excitement you have in your heart for her and the way you enjoy her and care for her. I mean, I love her so much... but the love you have for her seems far greater." Just reflecting on that puts tears in my eyes. The love a mother has for her child... its something that you cant really describe, but it's something you can see and its something that you just know. The love I have for my darling daughter is indescribable and my sweet husband is right - its a love that is so incredibly deep. And you know what's even greater than all of this? That she loves me too. I feel like I'm using the word "incredible" a lot... and perhaps I need to expand my vocabulary... but it's a word that does justice to the situation, I suppose. But it's an incredible thing when your baby knows you. When she wants you more than she wants anyone (except maybe her daddy) around her. When she wakes up in the morning and you go in and she hears you open her curtains and she immediately starts kicking her legs and smiling from ear to ear, turning her head in every direction to find you... and when she finds you, she smiles the biggest smile and tries her hardest to reach up to get you. And most of all, when you are sitting in the rocker feeding her, how she reaches up.. every single time...- even from under the covers - to hold your hand. I love that she loves holding my hand.
I've always been intrigued by the verse in Luke... after Mary birthed her sweet baby Jesus, the only thing we read of her is in chapter 2 verse 19: "And Mary treasured up all of these things and pondered them in her heart." I used to wonder all the time what she could have possibly been thinking or what kind of moments she was treasuring up... and I think its moments like the ones I just described. I find myself repeating that verse to myself when moments like the ones I've just written about happen. "Treasure these up in your heart." I try to take little mental pictures in my head and place them in my heart when she just smiles and laughs, when she hits herself with a toy and needs mama to comfort her. When the sound of my voice sends her searching all over the room until she finds me. When she tries to kiss me and when she wraps her teeny little hand around my finger. I so thank God for her and I praise Him for the (here it is again) incredible gift that she is to Steven and I. I pray that He would continue to give us insight into her so that we can know her and lead her and guide her to know and follow Him. And as she continues to grow I pray that I will soak it up and treasure all of these things up in my heart!
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