The A Game - Part II
A few posts ago I talked about my physical state of being - so now I will talk about the spiritual state! The summer has been very odd for me. Lots of changes have taken place over the last year. It's already August and I sit here now and cannot recall where the summer has gone! It's been an interesting summer... we've moved twice within a months time and we watched many of our friends move away. Every single person that we were once close to has moved away. It's a weird feeling... having to start all over. Again. I believe this has been the biggest... I dont know the word... creditor - to my weird crappy spiritual life. I have watched everyone leave... and I once again find myself wondering who I am and where I fit. I have felt very alone and very lost. Abandoned. More...I have neglected my relationship with an almighty God who loves me more than can be expressed - It just dawned on me as I typed that out how God must feel. Thinking back on the summer and how I felt - is this how God feels when we neglect him? When we abandon him? Yeah, you're right... it's probably worse.
So here I sit - I feel very dry. Numb, in fact. Apathetic? Maybe. As I have said in posts before - I know that God and Jesus and the Holy Spirit exist. I have SEEN them and I have beheld the wonders of their hands. I am a walking testimony of grace - and what God is capable of doing! I have been the worst of sinners... I have been broken and bruised - and God lifted me out of the slimy pit and set me on solid ground. God is good. That is not a feeling - that is a truth. That even when I feel like I'm all alone - the truth is - God is. He always is. I KNOW this in my head and in my heart - but there seems to be a disconnect somewhere... sin of selfishness? Maybe.
I'm sick of being so BLAH. My physical self has made me BLAH - but more so I believe the majority of my BLAHness is contributed to my sucky spiritual life. I was listening to the radio a few weeks ago while I was cleaning & a song - oh I cant remember the name of it came on. In it there is a dialogue that talks about the validity of the Bible and how there is no way that a book of events can be put together over such a long period of time... and still line up. At that moment God grabbed me and said, "If you REALLY REALLY believed the Bible was true - AND IT IS - then why don't you live like you believe it? Why dont I live as though Jesus is my everything - as if my very life depends on Him. He is - and it does, ya know.
So I have been having regular "Quiet times." My prayer life is still on the mend, but I am investing in my Jesus - and our relationship is on the mend. I praise God that He never lets go. That He always is.
So here I sit - I feel very dry. Numb, in fact. Apathetic? Maybe. As I have said in posts before - I know that God and Jesus and the Holy Spirit exist. I have SEEN them and I have beheld the wonders of their hands. I am a walking testimony of grace - and what God is capable of doing! I have been the worst of sinners... I have been broken and bruised - and God lifted me out of the slimy pit and set me on solid ground. God is good. That is not a feeling - that is a truth. That even when I feel like I'm all alone - the truth is - God is. He always is. I KNOW this in my head and in my heart - but there seems to be a disconnect somewhere... sin of selfishness? Maybe.
I'm sick of being so BLAH. My physical self has made me BLAH - but more so I believe the majority of my BLAHness is contributed to my sucky spiritual life. I was listening to the radio a few weeks ago while I was cleaning & a song - oh I cant remember the name of it came on. In it there is a dialogue that talks about the validity of the Bible and how there is no way that a book of events can be put together over such a long period of time... and still line up. At that moment God grabbed me and said, "If you REALLY REALLY believed the Bible was true - AND IT IS - then why don't you live like you believe it? Why dont I live as though Jesus is my everything - as if my very life depends on Him. He is - and it does, ya know.
So I have been having regular "Quiet times." My prayer life is still on the mend, but I am investing in my Jesus - and our relationship is on the mend. I praise God that He never lets go. That He always is.
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